When someone asks you: Where are you from? What did you study? What sport do you practice?
If you’re used to answering these questions with phrases like “I’m from Guadalajara,” “I’m an engineer,” or “I’m a runner,” it might be worth reconsidering how you define yourself. Those words often shape your perspectives, emotions, and behaviors more than you realize.
In my line of work, we regularly engage in conversations with a wide range of people for different purposes. Through these conversations, we observe how individuals narrate stories about themselves — and how, in many cases, these narratives go on to build their identities.
A few months ago, during a focus group with owners of a particular car model, we were discussing design opportunities. Among the participants was a woman over 65 years old. Every time we asked about a technical or mechanical detail, she would answer with remarkable clarity and precision. Her insights were so thorough and valuable that I paused to ask her, “Ma’am, your contributions have been incredibly detailed and insightful. May I ask, how do you know so much about cars?”
She replied, “I’m an only child. My father was a race car driver and owned a repair shop. He had always wanted a son to share his passion for cars with.” She paused, her eyes welling with tears, and added, “My parents never had any more children. I was their first and only child, so I stepped into that role. Throughout my life, I accompanied my father to races, learned to drive, and even competed. Now I run the repair shop since my father passed away a few years ago.” She broke down in tears, and the group gathered around to comfort her.
Sometimes, our identities are rooted in roles we consciously adopt — or roles that were chosen for us — almost like supporting actors in a larger play.
You are not an engineer; you studied engineering. You are not a runner; you run as part of your training. You are not defined by being from Guadalajara (even though the use of demonyms is widespread); you were born there.
These labels make communication easier, but they also shape how we view the world, what we consume, and what we believe. We naturally tend to bond with those who share our worldview, forming tribes and communities, whether online or offline. At times, we even come to see those who think differently as adversaries or threats.
Today, identity formation and tribal affiliations extend to many aspects of life: what we eat, how we exercise, what we study, our political beliefs, professional trades, and even our visions for the future.
Social media has amplified the emotional weight behind these identities. Public clashes between sports fans are a clear example — and not just in soccer. Recall the violent riots during the 2011 Stanley Cup in Vancouver, Canada. Unfortunately, some of these conflicts have escalated beyond verbal aggression into physical violence, leading to the creation of new laws like Mexico’s “Ley Olimpia,” and new terms such as “digital hitmen,” “online harassment,” “child cyberbullying,” and “doxing” — the malicious publication of private information (address, phone numbers, photos, etc.) without consent, often with the intent to harass, extort, or harm.
Over 25 years of working in market research, we’ve observed a recurring sequence in human behavior that often follows this pattern:
People express what they think through language; that language reinforces their interpretation of the world — including their identity. That reinforcement triggers emotions, and those emotions drive behaviors.
This is crucial: emotions manifest first, followed by behavior.
These behaviors influence both personal and professional decisions, including the purchase of products and services.
In short: we believe, we speak, and through that speaking, we believe even more deeply in the stories we tell ourselves.
This often distances us from others rather than bringing us closer. Instead of negotiating, connecting, or building bridges, we seek out those who reinforce our beliefs and distance ourselves from those who challenge them. When someone expresses a different opinion, we may react rigidly, sometimes feeling personally attacked simply because they think differently.
We have seen this time and again, especially on social media, where emotionally charged opinions are often expressed with hostility. Reading opposing views — even from complete strangers — has triggered strong emotions like anger in many people.
This is why, in many ways, the old saying rings true: “Your words define you.”
