When people ask you: “Where are you from?” “What did you study?” “What sport do you practice?” — if you habitually answer these questions with, “I’m from Guadalajara,” “I’m an engineer,” or “I’m a runner,” then think twice about how you define yourself, because those words often shape your perspectives, emotions, and behaviors.
In my work, we constantly engage in conversations with various people for different purposes, and we notice how they tell stories about themselves. Sometimes, these narratives construct their identities, no more, no less.
A few months ago, during a group discussion with car owners to explore design opportunities for a specific vehicle model, there was an older woman in the group, over 65 years old. Every time we asked a question about a technical or mechanical detail, she responded with remarkable clarity and precision. Her input was so rich and complete that I paused to ask her, “Ma’am, in these few minutes of conversation, you’ve provided very active and insightful contributions, demonstrating extensive knowledge about car mechanics and performance. Tell me, how do you know so much?”
She replied, “Look, I am an only child. My father was a race car driver and owned a car workshop. He always wanted a son to share his love for machines.” She paused and, with tears in her eyes, added, “My parents never had more children; I was their first and only daughter, so I had to take on the role of the much-anticipated son. Throughout my life, I accompanied my father to races, drove cars, and even competed. Now, I run the workshop because my father passed away a few years ago.” She broke down in tears, and the entire group moved to console her.
Sometimes, our identity is based on a role we choose or a role someone else chose for us — a bit like being supporting actors in a play.
You are not an engineer; you studied engineering. You are not a runner; you run as part of your training routine. You are not a ‘Tapatío’ (a local from Guadalajara) — you were born in Guadalajara. These labels simplify communication, but they also influence how we view the world, what we consume, and what we believe. We even tend to gather with those who align with our worldview, forming tribes or communities, both online and offline. Sometimes, we view those who think differently as opponents or enemies.
Today, words and emotions that underpin identities are amplified through social media. Publicly visible are the aggressions between fans of sports teams, not only in football in our country but also in international events like the 2011 Stanley Cup riots in Vancouver. Some of these conflicts have escalated to physical violence, not just verbal assaults. In response, new laws have emerged, such as Mexico’s ‘Ley Olimpia,’ along with new terms like ‘digital hitmen,’ ‘digital harassment,’ ‘child cyberbullying,’ and ‘doxing,’ which refers to the malicious dissemination of someone’s private information (address, phone number, photos, etc.) without consent, often with the intent to harass, extort, or cause harm.
In 25 years of market research, we’ve identified a consistent pattern in human behavior that generally functions like this: people express what they think through words; that expression reinforces their interpretation of the world, including their identity. This reinforcement triggers emotions, and emotions, in turn, generate behaviors. This is key: first, emotions manifest, and then people act on those emotions.
These behaviors can influence both personal and professional decisions, even purchasing decisions for specific products or services.
In summary: we believe, we speak, and then we believe even more in the stories we tell ourselves. And often, instead of bringing us closer to others, these stories drive us apart; instead of negotiating, connecting, or building a bridge of communication, we seek people compatible with our beliefs who reinforce our narratives, distancing ourselves from those who think differently. When someone expresses a differing opinion, our stance can become so rigid that we feel offended simply because they don’t think like us.
We’ve seen this repeatedly, especially on social media, where hate-filled ideas are openly expressed. Reading opinions about certain topics has provoked anger in some individuals, even when those expressions come from strangers who don’t share their viewpoints.
That’s why, in many cases, the phrase ‘your words define you’ rings true.
We don’t need to look far to recognize that belonging is a fundamental human need, as defined by classic theorists like Abraham Maslow and Manfred Arthur Max-Neef, but not at the cost of verbal or physical violence. A quick glance at the latest survey published by the National Institute of Statistics and Geography (INEGI) in 2023 in its Cyberbullying Module (MOCIBA) reveals that 2 out of 10 internet users (21%) have experienced some form of cyberbullying — from offensive messages and calls to identity theft and violent threats. This percentage represents around 18 million affected Mexicans.
Among younger age groups, a UNICEF international survey covering 30 countries found that 1 in 3 young people globally has been a victim of online bullying or harassment.
Online attacks frequently escalate to physical attacks: A 2020 UNICEF survey updated in 2023, titled ‘Global Survey on Online Violence against Women Journalists,’ indicates that 1 in 5 women surveyed globally reported experiencing both online and offline abuse — 20% of women, particularly journalists and activists, reported being attacked or harassed offline due to incidents that originated online.
Not everything identified in these surveys is necessarily due to how we define ourselves, but it’s a good time to reflect on the stories we tell ourselves and the beliefs that define us. And you, who are you?
